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March, 2006
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Thousands of self-help and advice books have been written and made their authors and publishers a mint. But people are still wildly dysfunctional, promising thousands of additional self-help and advice books will be written and published continuing to generate fabulous incomes for their creators. What's wrong with this picture (unless you are a self-help author or publisher)? The advice is worthless. One can read about how to love better, get rid of their shadows, and lead a happier life. And they go on with their troubled lives, buying book after book looking for a solution to their inner pain and suffering. I have the answer. Quit trying to be perfect. Quit trying to be someone you are not. Get in touch with your primal spirit. Remember, before humans evolved from apes, the apes evolved from something even more primitive. What was that rude precursor? Think back. Way back to the dinosaurs and the first mammals…which were small furry critters that looked a lot like...rats. We are, at our cores, rodents. The root cause of just about all personality disorders is our inability to get in touch with our inner rodents. Our problems with the various aspects of life—business, love, politics—all stem from our inability to see things through the eyes of our true ancestors. Rats. With the help of the faculty and staff of the General Delivery University, we have carefully researched the subject, read hundreds of self-help books, and spent thousands on therapy to reach this conclusion. We are rats. Very smart rats. But rats nonetheless. In order to assist our readership, we have compiled our own self-help and advice book--How To Get In Touch With Your Inner Rodent. We can guarantee that if you follow our advice, your life won't improve measurably. But you'll feel a lot better because you will learn how to accept failure, rejection, realize that controlling your anger is futile, and experience a never-ending serious of emotional distress...but happily since you have accepted your Inner Rodent spirit. The core problem with all other self-help and how-to books is they tell you what to do, and you do the opposite. Consider this as you read on. This books attempts to cover as wide a range of self-help and how-to issues as possible. PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS HOW TO
CREATE A STATE OF CLINICAL DEPRESSION WOMEN ARE FROM NORDSTROM'S HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP
FAIL NEWS ON HOW TO FIX YOUR BROKEN HEART
BUSINESS
AND FINANCE HOW TO LIVE ON 1/10TH YOUR INCOME HOW TO MAKE ARBITRARY AND CAPRICIOUS DECISIONS HOW TO BUY A CAR AND MAKE THE DEALER REALLY HAPPY THE
EXPONENTIAL IMPROBABILITY OF SUCCESS AND OTHER NEGOTIATION THEORIES HOW TO SAVE MONEY ON YOUR TAXES HOW TO TELL IF YOUR COMPUTER WAS MADE IN A GARAGE POLITICS LIFESTYLE HOW TO AVOID BEING KILLED BY THE POLICE |
BUSH LAUNCHES CARTOON JIHAD IN AMERICA Peeved at all his negative images in US editorial cartoons,
George Bush has launched a Cartoon Jihad.
"I am asking all Conservatives and Right Wing Religious Fanatics to
storm the editorial offices of newspaper who dare publish derogatory
images of me," Bush declared.
Vice President Dick Cheney has been tasked to organize the US
Cartoon Jihad.
"And I thought there'd be nothing more fun that shooting a lawyer," Cheney said.
IRANIANS TO RUN US NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS
In order to deflect concerns about the Arab company that
Bush is promoting to operate 6 US ports, the White House announced today that an Iranian company
will be given a permit to operate three nuclear power plants in the US.
"Rather than have them operate the plants inside their country, we think it
would be safer to let them operate nukes in our country," said a spokesman for
Homeland Security.
Rumors are growing that the Bush Administration is also planning to let
a Saudi Arabian company operate Dulles and Ronald Reagan airports around Washington, and an Iraqi
company will be given control over Amtrack.
US-MEXICO BORDER SAME AS ISRAEL-PALESTINE BORDER
BANDERSNATCH RESPONDS TO ELECTRONIC SPIES
SANTA BLAMED FOR SOCIETY'S PSYCHOSIS
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ENDORSES ALITO FOR SUPREME COURT
EXTREME MAKEOVER TO REBUILD NEW ORLEANS
PLANETARY ROTATION BLAMED FOR EARTHQUAKES
LAWYER BUYOUT PROGRAM PROPOSED
SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY BY DYING YOUNGER
SADDAM COMMITS SUICIDE - APRIL FOOLS
THE NEWS FROM BAJA ARIZONA
BANDERSNATCH CLASSICS
NEW WONDER DRUG PLACEBO DISCOVERED
TRAILER PARK SEEKS HISTORIC STATUS
INDIAN RUINS PROPOSED AS LOW INCOME HOUSING
FREEWAY MEDIANS NEW LANDFILL SITES
CONGRESS INDICTED FOR SECURITIES FRAUD
THE RECENT PAST THROUGH BANDERSNATCH EYES (1997-2004)
BAD TUNNEL DESIGN BLAMED FOR DI'S DEMISE
FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL FOUND
MAYTAG REPAIRMAN OFFERS TO SAVE MIR
TAMPA TO HOST 2008 WINTER OLYMPICS
NY HOMELESS REFUSE TO EAT PIGEOMS
BAPTISTS STRANDED ON TREASURE ISLAND
BANDERSNATCH GUIDES
BANDERSNATCH HOLIDAYS
ADVERTISEMENTS
SITE LISTINGS
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