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November, 2007
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>ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITIES IN THE BUSH WORLD It is sad when you are stuck with a lemon, make lemonade. George W. Bush has 15 months left in office, and the Republicans in Congress are fighting a last ditch effort to protect their religious and corporate cronies. The damage is already immense, and growing daily. So...how do we turn this into lemonade? There are some great opportunities to get rich of what Bush has done to America. For example: BOAT BUILDING: With global warming threatening to flood our low lying cities, we're gonna need a lot of boats. LAND DEVELOPMENT ABOVE FUTURE SEA LEVELS: There's a lot of water front real estate waiting to be developed...it is just sitting 30 feet above current sea levels. Get a topographic map...the opportunities are everywhere. POST WAR PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER TREATMENT: Thousand of new jobs await those willing to become skilled in treating the mental casualties of our debacle in Iraq. PRISON CONSTRUCTION: Assuming the Democrats get control of the White House and thus the FBI and Justice Department, a whole lot of Friends of Bush and Cheney are going to jail. Provided enough cells are built. HUMVEE TAXIES: Sooner or later the war in Iraq will be over and there will be a whole lot of surplus Humvees on the market. Imagine hailing a Humvee taxi in New York. ANY SUGGESTIONS? Send to the Bandersnatch. REAL ADVERTISEMENTS - HELP KEEP US ALIVE ON THE WEB
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SENATOR OFFERS VOTES FOR SALE ON eBAY Senator Bill Howler, (D-Baja Arizona) announced today this his Senate votes will be on sale on eBay. "Rather than sell my votes to special interests the way most politicians do, I'm offering my votes to the public," Howler said. eBay officials initially thought Howler's vote auction was a joke, until a bid for $1 million came in for Senator Howler's vote on a bill to strengthen the Consumer Product Safety Commission. The bid came from China for a "no" vote. "Considering the commission we make on sales, we can't ignore the million dollar bid," an eBay spokesman said. Senate officials were scrambling to find if there was any violation of Senate ethic rules associated with Howler's vote auction. "We can't even find a copy of the ethic rules," said a source at the US Senate. Howler is pleased with the initial response to his vote auction. "I can retire very nicely at the end of my term," he said.
THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE SPEECH WE'RE WAITING TO HEAR:
America is in trouble. We have lost our dream and our way. It is time to get our dream back and get this country on the right path. Our country was conceived as the land of liberty and opportunity. We were the
shining example in the world of the one place where people could be free and
become the best that they could be. We didn't have to impose our will on others.
They came to us and asked us to help them. What happened? We've been bamboozled into believing that America is a Christian country when
in fact the separation of church and state was fundamental to avoiding religion
creeping into government policy. Look where religion has taken other
countries....what is the core problem we face in the Middle East....religious
fundamentalists running countries and justifying killing the Infidels...meaning
us. We have our own version of the Taliban right here in America. They're
preaching from their pulpits that God is demanding we do this or we do that. And
that woe unto any candidate who dares tell them to stay inside their churches
and out of our government. We've been bamboozled by a toxic strain of the Republican Party that
justifies looking the other way when corporate greed risks our lives. These
"conservatives" are anything but. They are twisting the American
government into a tool of the rich and powerful at the expense of the People.
They obviously don't believe that "government of the people, by the people
and for the people" is our mandate. We have been bamboozled by empire-minded politicians who believe we can bomb
anyone into submission. Dick Cheney should be charged and tried for treason. We have been bamboozled into forgetting we are only as strong as our weakest
people. Where is health care for everyone? Where is equal opportunity in
education? Instead we get billions flushed down the toilet to impose our will on
Iraq. We are a good people. Our government just doesn't reflect the basic goodness of Americans. Our first and primary mission is to make America work again. We must lead by
example, not by gunpoint. Our second mission is to eliminate the erosion of our freedoms who are using
the terrorist threat to fear-monger us into allowing a police state to emerge.
The Patriot Act must be repealed. Homeland Security needs to be broken apart and
its pieces put back under the rule of law. Our next mission is to get fair and decent immigration laws adopted. People
are voting for the American Dream with their feet. Lets get them above ground,
and legal. Let them be a part of us. Don't forget, we all came from immigrants. We must have affordable health care for everyone. Now. Social Security needs massive reforms...and letting people loose their
savings in the stock market is a fraud. Our tax code must be made fair and simple. Everyone pays a 10% income tax.
Period. No deductions. No corporate tax breaks. No loopholes. The fundamental purpose of any government is to protect the health, safety,
welfare, lives and property of its citizens and residents. Our federal agencies
must be re-oriented to that purpose. It is not the job of EPA or any other
federal agency to cut slack for polluters because they can buy politicians. It
is the mandate of our government to protect the people, and not sell them out. We need a strong military. But we don't need to waste our precious resources
trying to make civilized humans out of tribal barbarians drunk on the voice of
God. We need an energy policy that eliminates to use of imported oil by
2017. We need an energy policy that shifts our society from fossil fuels to clean
energy by 2025. Global warming is real. How many of us live within 20 feet of
sea level today? Do you really think we can build that many dikes or that many
boats? How long can you tread water? Spend the money needed to make the
conversion. Now. We do not need to be distracted into a lot of pseudo issues manufactured by
political wizards. Abortion is not a federal issue. Neither is stem cell
research. Nor is gay marriage. These are issues the government should not become
an instrument of religious belief being imposing on the rest of us. A true conservative...a libertarian if you will...would never allow our
government to become more powerful in imposing the beliefs of a few on the many.
The so-called conservatives that have run the White House are anything but. They
have squandered the wealth of our nation, and they have led us into many
worthless conflicts. Lets decide who runs the country on the basis of not who
waves the biggest flag and sucks up to the extremists in our country. Let's
elect someone who respects the people. Who trusts the people. And who will tell
us the truth. Our true strength is our diversity. Our true strength is our dreams that if one works hard, life will get better. Our true strength is our love of liberty. It is time for a change in America. It is time to come home to our core values...life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness. NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
TUCSON: Political scientist at the General Delivery University today confirmed
that hardy anyone gives a damn about the looming presidential primaries and the candidates.
"People are too busy worrying about how to pay for Christmas and whether or not they're going to
be foreclosed to much care about the presidential race," said George Oarwell, head of the GDU Instutute for Political
Pathology.
"And none of the candidates has really turned anyone on since they all seem to be pandering to this
or that special interest group that the majority of people don't belong to," Oarwell added.
"Polls show that no matter who gets elected, people don't really believe anything in Washington will
change, anyway, since the people making the decision don't seem to care about anything beyond who is giving them money to campaign with," he added.
"One survey, though, suggested that if Hillary and Obama would join forces, with a coin toss which one would
be president and which one would be vice president, a lot of people might get enthused about the election," he said.
"However, since that is unikely to happen, the best indicator of any interest in the presidential race
emerging will be when ordinary people start telling jokes about any of the candidates," he added.
HOW TO AVOID WORK The practice of work avoidance is
one of the highest arts of employment. Anyone can get the job done, so to speak.
But not everyone can spend 8 hours a day at their work station and get
absolutely nothing accomplished. Avoiding work is one of the surest
ways to retain a job. If you complete your work, they'll give you more, until
they run out of things for you to do, and then they'll downsize the company and
eliminate your job, because you've finished it. Therefore, you must always avoid
work. (1) LOOK BUSY: The successful work
avoider must look busy, as opposed to being busy. Looking busy involves motion.
Getting up, sitting down, moving papers around your desk, opening drawers,
closing drawers, opening mail, sorting mail -- all are busy-looking functions
with no productivity. (2) FIGURE OUT THE CHAIN OF COMMAND:
A very valuable activity for yourself (but not your employer) is to make a chart
of the chain of command in your organization. Even if your employer has a chart,
this will not accurately display who has the real power, so make your own. (3) WRITE MEMOS: Writing memos is
one of the least productive things a person can do, as no one actually reads
memos. Write a memo to everyone of higher rank than you (on the organizational
chart you've spent 6 months making). (4) READ MEMOS: Many people are
actively avoiding work by writing memos in any organization. You can avoid
spectacular amounts of work by reading all the memos on your desk, instead of
initialing them and forwarding them to someone else. (5) LEARN COMPUTER PROGRAMS: Many
employers will let you take classes in computer software--even if they don't use
it in their companies. In fact, most companies have no idea what software they
use, so you can book up on PhotoShop, and FrontPage even though you are an
accountant. (6) RUN THE COFFEE POT: The most
important job in most offices is the Keeper of the Coffee Pot. This person makes
the coffee, and then constantly checks on it to make more coffee, clean out the
pots, stock up the cups, refill the sugar containers, and so on. In an office of
at least 10 people, this can be a full-time job. However, if you are a new
employee, the Keeper of the Coffee Pot will have already been chosen. Therefore
you must either get that person promoted, fired, or kidnapped. (7) WATER THE PLANTS: Many offices
have lots of house plants, but no official house plant care company. Take over
caring for the plants. Again, this is a position usually occupied by a seasoned
work avoider, so the position can only be taken by force. (8) BECOME THE NETWORK MANAGER: If
you are in a smart office which doesn't allow coffee pots or house plants,
doubtless there will be networked computers requiring a network manager. You do
not have no know anything about computers--few network managers do. Since
maintaining the network in an operational condition is impossible (especially if
you are truly ignorant of computers) you can spend weeks debugging systems to no
useful effect. (9) TAKE OVER OFFICE PUBLICITY:
Every company has a newsletter, with important news about births and death among
the employees and who has what for sale. Generally this is a job no one wants to
do, which makes it perfect since it requires no skill and produces nothing of
lasting value. Also, no one will criticize what you do, as they are afraid they
might end up having to do it. (10) CREATE YOUR COMPANY'S WEBSITE:
Many companies do not have website, and think this is magic. Create and maintain
your company's website. You will spend endless hours of fun accomplishing
absolutely nothing useful for your employer, but you'll get a lot of email.
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BACK ISSUES
GLOBAL WARMING BLAMED ON TERRORISTS BOMBING IRAQ WITH DOLLARS PROPOSED ALCATRAZ REOPENED AS A WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL PRISON GOP BLAMES SHORTER DAYS ON DEMOCRATS BUSH VOCABULARY LIMITS IRAQ POLICY US-MEXICO BORDER SAME AS ISRAEL-PALESTINE BORDER BANDERSNATCH RESPONDS TO ELECTRONIC SPIES SANTA BLAMED FOR SOCIETY'S PSYCHOSIS FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ENDORSES ALITO FOR SUPREME COURT EXTREME MAKEOVER TO REBUILD NEW ORLEANS PLANETARY ROTATION BLAMED FOR EARTHQUAKES LAWYER BUYOUT PROGRAM PROPOSED SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY BY DYING YOUNGER SADDAM COMMITS SUICIDE - APRIL FOOLS
THE NEWS FROM BAJA ARIZONA
SELF HELP ADVICE
WRECK YOUR LIFE GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER RODENT
TAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST
TAKE OUR SEXUAL INCOMPATIBILITY TEST
BANDERSNATCH CLASSICS
NEW WONDER DRUG PLACEBO DISCOVERED
TRAILER PARK SEEKS HISTORIC STATUS
INDIAN RUINS PROPOSED AS LOW INCOME HOUSING
FREEWAY MEDIANS NEW LANDFILL SITES
CONGRESS INDICTED FOR SECURITIES FRAUD
THE RECENT PAST THROUGH BANDERSNATCH EYES (1997-2004)
BAD TUNNEL DESIGN BLAMED FOR DI'S DEMISE
FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL FOUND
MAYTAG REPAIRMAN OFFERS TO SAVE MIR
TAMPA TO HOST 2008 WINTER OLYMPICS
NY HOMELESS REFUSE TO EAT PIGEOMS
BAPTISTS STRANDED ON TREASURE ISLAND
BANDERSNATCH GUIDES
BANDERSNATCH HOLIDAYS
SITE LISTINGS
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