|ARE YOU A DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN?
As the presidential campaign kicks into high gear, millions of Americans are trying to figure out if they're a Democrat or Republican. The Frumious Bandersnatch offers these little bits of information to help you figure out your political identity.
(1) Democrats are mostly poor people, working people and/or minorities.
(2) Republicans are mostly rich, old people who hate to pay taxes.
(3) Democrats think government can solve every problem on the planet.
(4) Republicans think government is the problem.
(5) Democrats define "rich" people as anyone with a white collar job.
(6) Republicans define "rich" people as anyone with more than a million dollars net worth.
(7) Democrats only take huge campaign contributions from labor unions.
(8) Republicans only take huge campaign contributions from corporations who hate unions.
(9) Democrats have a lot of friends in Hollywood.
(10) Republicans have a lot of friends on Wall Street.
(11) Democrats have no sexual preference.
(12) Republicans have no sex.
(13) Democrats send their children to public schools.
(14) Republicans send their children to private schools, but want to use taxes collected from Democrats to pay for their kid's private school educations.
(15) Democrats favor liberalized immigrations laws.
(16) Republicans oppose liberalized immigration laws, because immigrants are usually Democrats.
(17) Democrats favor reforms to health insurance laws to improve health care for the poor.
(18) Republicans trust the private sector to decrease the life spans of Democrats.
(19) Democrats want to stimulate the economy by giving money to working people.
(20) Republicans want to stimulate the economy by giving money to bankers.
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