COLLEGE OF ARTS AND CRAFTS

Recognizing that few, if any students who enroll in a traditional fine arts program ever become famous artists or musicians, we have designed our program for the benefit of those with more modest expectations, such as selling their artistic creations at swap meets and craft fairs.

DEPARTMENT OF POTTERY & BASKETMAKING

P&BM 101: POPULAR POTS No swap meet or craft fair is complete without a large number of pots for house plants, and decoration. Relearn the skills lost from your days at summer camp. [Students must provide their own clay.]

DEPARTMENT OF PAINTING

PAINT 201: BLACK VELVET How to use the ever popular medium of oil on black velvet is explained by an artist from Nogales, Sonora who is famous for painting Elvis.

PAINT 301: PICKET SIGNS Painting a picket sign that will be easily seen on the nightly news will be covered. Fee: $15.00. [Field trip to the Today Show at additional cost.]

DEPARTMENT OF CANDLE-MAKING AND CRAFTS

CRAFTS 101 CANDLES Learn how to combine wax with rocks and twigs from your yard to create commercially viable craft fair items.

CRAFTS 102: PLAYDOUGH PEOPLE Making people out of playdough, sculpee or other forms of children's clay has become a major commercial opportunity. Learn how. [Students must provide own supply of playdough or clay.] Advanced course may be available in Claymation if you send us a sample of your work and we can sell it to an advertising agency.]

CRAFTS 103: DREAM CATCHERS This very popular new craft involves the creation of dream catchers which hang from rear view mirrors.

CRAFTS 104: SETTING UP YOUR BOOTH Creating saleable crafts is only half the work in becoming a successful crafts person. How to create a tasteful and attractive booth for a crafts fair made of card tables and sheets is covered. Fee: $15.00.

COLLEGE OF ROCK MUSIC

While most educational institutions have a symphony orchestra and music educational programs dealing with classical music, the fact remains that most students prefer rock music. However, even though the number of students who could be taught how to read music and play an instrument would quadruple if schools had programs in rock music, no school board in its right mind would offer a program in rock. Nevertheless, students form their own rock bands, learn how to play instruments (even if they can't read music), and sometimes make a lot of money.

MUSIC 102: HOW TO DEAL WITH SUCCESS Upon reading the Course Materials for this subject, students will know how to sneer at photographers, destroy hotel rooms, and act obnoxious.

MUSIC 103: IS ROCK MUSIC THE CAUSE OF THE DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION? We are attempting to obtain materials from Tipper Gore.

MUSIC 104: STARTING YOUR OWN FAN CLUB Having a fan club is an important element of success. How to start your own fan club, and sell tee shirts with the logo of your band on them.

MUSIC 105: BUYING CHEAP INSTRUMENTS Very quickly aspiring rock musicians learn that it can take an entire summer working at minimum wage just to afford a mediocre amp. Pawn shops and yard sales are an excellent source of really cheap instruments and equipment. Learn how to buy a vintage Strat worth $1000 at a yard sale without tipping off the seller that you are about to make a buy of a lifetime.

MUSIC 106: FINDING A PLACE TO PRACTICE Neighbors get seriously upset when your band starts practicing in your back yard and call the police. How to find sound-proof buildings in such places as storage units to practice in.

MUSIC 107: GETTING YOUR FIRST GIG Once you have your instruments and amps, established your fan club, and found a place to practice, you will need to find somewhere to play for money. How to get gigs at cheap bars in the warehouse district.

BACK TO MAIN CAMPUS

Copyright 1997,1999 by Hugh Holub