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Vol.2, No.11. March 15, 1998 to March 23, 1998--FREE and worth twice the price!
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Equinox Threatens North America Millions of North Americans prepared for the Vernal Equinox by stocking up
on allergy pills and repairing window screens.
"I don't know if this will be as bad as El Nino," commented a resident of Bismark, North Dakota, "but
I ain't taking no chances."
El Nino influenced rains are expected to vastly increase the insect population this year, hence the
repair of window screens.
The arrival of the Equinox means Spring has arrived, and days will get longer noted Archdruid Taliesin. "Birds will
sing and flowers will bloom," the Archdruid noted.
The advent of Spring also means tornado season has officially begun. "Tornadoes are God's way of telling
people they sholdn't live in mobile homes," explained Simon Lethargee, chief meteorologist for the
Baja Arizona Space Agency.
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Asteroid To Miss Earth The world breathed a sigh of relief when it was
learned that an asteroid would miss the earth by only 22,000 miles in 28 years.
Sales of Preparation H soared during the asteroid threat. "I guess we need
more close encounters with space bodies to sell our product," noted Jim Derrier with
Preparation H's advertising agency.
"If the asteroid had come any closer, it would have meant then end of
life on earth as we know it," explained Dr. Willy B. Green of the General '
Delivery University Astrology Department.
Doomsday forecasters were not daunted by the failure of the asteroid to strike the
earth. "We're still going to release a lot of crummy movies about asteroid impacts this
summer," noted an executive for Paramount Pictures.
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Drudge Sues Frumious Bandersnatch For $30 Million Matt Drudge, the
Internet's Infamous Insider, has filed a $30 million
lawsuit against The Frumious Bandersnatch, claiming
trademark infringement, libel, slander, and pillory,
according to an unusually uninformed source.
"Drudge is
upset over The Frumious Bandersnatch claiming it is The
Least Trustworthy Source of News on the Web," said
our source. "Drudge claims that honor."
Joe Sam,
Bandersnatch Statutory Agent and Foreign Correspondent
was reportedly in Uzebekistan or Gorbhanistan, and
telephoned the following comment on Drudge's alleged
suit..."he's got to find me to serve us."
Drudge recently
was sued by White House advisor Sidney Blumenthal for $30
million, and obtained $60 million worth of publicity as a
result.
"The only
difference between Drudge and The Frumious Bandersnatch
is my client doesn't make any pretense at reporting the
truth," noted Fred Goniff, with the firm Goniff
& Gelt, lawyers for The Frumious Bandersnatch,
"therefore the claim of being The Least Trustworthy
Source of News on the Web rightly belongs to TFB."
Rumor has it
Drudge was irritated that TFB first broke the story that
Bill Clinton denied he had ever slept with Hillary in a
deposition in the Paula Jones Sexual Harassment case.
"That is a
bald-faced lie," alleged Drudge, in a made-up
interview with TFB. "I sued The Frumious
Bandersnatch because I'm gonna need $30 million one of
these days."
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PSST..WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT PAUL EHRLICH?
Buddy Spared Fate Worse Than Death Buddy, the White House dog, was saved from a fate
worse than death Sunday night, when his master Bill Clinton was neutered instead.
According to informed sources, Hillary drugged Bill's dinner wine, and had him taken
to the White House vet for the operation.
"I think we've ended the problem of Bill chasing all those bitches," Hillary
reportedly said, as Bill was being operated on.
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EVERYTHING YOU WERE AFRAID TO KNOW ABOUT THE CLINTON SEX SCANDAL
CLINTON DROPS SECRET BIOLOGICAL WEAPON ON IRAQ
CLINTON DENIES HAVING SEX WITH HILLARY
DINOSAUR NEWS OUR SECTIONS
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EDITOR with your comments & criticisms. And we
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Publishing Company
MORE ABOUT THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY--PART 2
