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This beautiful southwestern holiday
scene is brought to you by the folks who put a shopping mall on this
site.
FOX NEWS NETWORK REPORT ON BIRTH OF JESUS If you want to know how bad our news media really is, read this story about the birth of Jesus FIND OUT MORE ABOUT FOX NEWS COVERAGE OF BIRTH OF JESUS.
SANTA TOY DELIVERIES TO BE DELAYED New Homeland Security requirements impinge on Santa's ability to deliver. FIND OUT WHY SANTA WILL BE LATE THIS YEAR.
SANTA SEEN AS SOURCE OF PSYCHOSIS IN SOCIETY There's always someone willing to blame anyone for our problems. FIND OUT HOW SANTA IS THE SOURCE OF OUR PROBLEMS ACORDING TO AN EXPERT. SANTA CLAUS
OFFERS TO GOVERN UNITED STATES For the 8th year in a row Santa has offer to govern the United States it was learned today. "Considering it is the basic purpose of the US government to give things away, I think I do a better job at that than the President or the Congress," Santa explained at a press conference at the North Pole. One immediate effect of Santa running the United States would be that Christmas would become a year-round event. "Christmas is the engine that drives the US economy," Santa noted, "and I would drop all pretense of the Christmas season starting around Halloween." The Christmas season would start January 2nd under Santa's government. "Just think of all the economic benefits and new jobs that would be created by that," Santa said. Congress would be replaced by Santa's Elves. "None of them would be interested in taking campaign contributions," Santa added. US Senator John McCain
scoffed at the idea of Santa taking over the country. "We've
already got a guy taking over the White House who think's he's
Santa," he said.
SANTA TO SELL SHARES
IN NORTH POLE TOY SHOP NORTH POLE: Santa announced today that he would sell
shares in his North Pole Toy Corporation on December 24th.
"This may be the most unusual IPO in Wall Street history,"
said Juan Barato, chief analyst for the toy industry at Morgan Stanley
investment bankers.
"I'm sure that Toys R Us will file some sort of objection on the
grounds of antitrust violations."
"We don't care if Santa wants to sell shares in his toy factory
as long as he buys all his toys from us," said a spokesman for Toys
R Us.
Santa countered with an explanation that all his toys are hand-made
by elves.
"Sounds like a labor law violation to us," said the Toys R
Us spokesman.
The unusual aspect of Santa's IPO is that he will take cookies and
milk in lieu of cash for stock in his corporation.
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