Are you coughing and wheezing? Do you have funny sores on your body with black scabs? Then maybe you have Anthrax.
But, why limit yourself? There are literally thousands of diseases you can acquire. Small Pox. Bubonic Plague. Need we go on?
Why leave it to the media to decide what to be frightened of this month?
THERE IS A BETTER WAY!
Disease of The Month is a new service offered by the Frumious Bandersnatch. Each subscriber will get, via email, a new disease at the beginning of each month to suffer from or be frightened of getting.
You won't actually get infected with the disease.
What you'll get is a list of the symptoms of the disease so you can begin to notice your having such symptoms. You will also get a list of medications usually taken for the disease (that you don't actually have), as well as a list of expected co-dependent behavior.
You will also be provided with a list of Do's and Don't for your Disease of the Month. For example, November will be Dengue Fever Month. Avoid mosquitoes.
You will be given a list of foods which prevent your disease, and those which exacerbate it.
We have an excellent selection of diseases carefully chosen by our expert panel of hypochondriacs and other psychosomatic sufferers.
NOTE: None of our Disease of the Month selections are fatal (though our Premier Edition does offer a fine list of terminal illnesses that take years to reach their conclusion) at a nominal extra price.
JOIN DISEASE OF THE MONTH TODAY AND WATCH YOUR LIFE DETERIORATE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!
Being sick means you get a lot of attention.
Copyright 2001 by Hugh Holub
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