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A recent study in Flushing It Out, a scientific journal focusing on the impact of treated wastewater reuse, claim pharmaceuticals -- including the female hormone estrogen -- are infiltrating drinking water supplies.

Considering that treated wastewater recharged into drinking water supplies is being regarded as a newly discovered water resource to support unrestricted growth, particularly in arid regions, the findings of the study have far reaching implications. Reactions to the indices are mixed with some sectors finding relief at the news, others seeing their patriarchal advantages being pissed away, and others viewing the findings not the least constipating to their agendas.

Connie Lingus, spokeswoman for Women's Estrogen Planning League (WELP), a newly emerging non-violent feminist group, sees consumption of the estrogen-laced water supplies as having a positive impact on the age-old battle of the sexes. "We think it will really help men in their struggle to see it our way," stated Lingus. "Wide-spread consumption is certain to accelerate the process of the male population's attempts to get in touch with their feminine side," Lingus added.

Taking the unintended implications of the discovery of estrogen in the water supply one step further, Lingus noted that the study prompted the organization to initiate what they perceive as a helpful campaign for the strategic burning of tampons and menstrual panty liners in the hopes of adding estrogen as a by-product to the global oxygen supply.

Dick Rod, point man for Rage of Man (RAM), warns that uncontrolled estrogen infiltration of the nation's drinking waters would lead to a national identity crisis. "Society as we know and love it could be dumped on," he stated. "Infiltration of the E-word hormone could lead to an insidious takeover by nurturing forces leading to a paradigm shift away from the dominant power base in this country." He added, however, that he maintained the prerogative to change his mind and retract the statement.

"Expressing alarm at his organization's inadvertent contribution to estrogen- dominated drinking water supplies, Bibe Cervantez, brew master of GUT, the nation's largest supplier of beer, stated the company is adding warning labels to its products to address the issue. "We recognize our responsibility to warn the public that high levels of beer consumption by females, particularly college coeds and women on hormone replacement therapy, stimulates unintended production and discharge of estrogen into our water supplies," he stated. Cervantez, unable to be specific about the company's plans to avoid liability for polluting water supplies, noted that the label concepts and content, and a campaign for recapturing market share after the expected downturn in female-driven sales, were being conceptualized by an undisclosed major advertising agency based in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

"As long as there is H2O in it, we capitalize on it, regardless of the impact," said Bill Ders, President of Press On With Environment Removal (POWER), a leading pro-development lobbyist group with close to 210 paid members. Ders, in a written statement, summarized the organization's position by stating "Drink and be Mary (sic)".

Copyright 2001 by Nancy Valentine Holub