GDU Alumni Magazine

GDU LAUNCHES FIRST EARTH SATELLITE

The General Delivery University launched its first earth orbiting satellite today. "We are very proud of our Department of Rocket Science," beamed General Bill Delivery.

The satellite, known as "Knick-Knack", orbits the earth every 90 minutes. "Unfortunately, it does absolutely nothing," admitted Dr. Phineas Phogbank, head of the Dept. of Rocket Science. "We spent our entire budget constructing the rocket, and had to use a knick-knack from our secretary's desk as the orbital vehicle," added Phogbank. GDU's satellite "Knick-Knack" should not be confused with the University of Arizona's orbiting infrared space telescope Nicmoss.

GDU CATALOG GETS REVIEWED

The General Delivery University website was reviewed in the April edition of Internet Underground. Here's what IU had to say:

"Here's chance to stick it to The Man. Why pay thousands of dollars for an education when all you really need is the diploma? General Delivery University will let you download the degree of your choice from a law or medical degree to a "School of Hard Knocks" certificate. What does General Delivery U charge for this experience? Not a dime. If you've got the capability to download, the diploma is yours to do with as you see fit. Each discipline, such as Engineering and Education, has specific schools from which you may receive your diploma--for example, elevator and toy assembly or study hall and sex education. The diplomas cost netizens nothing, but a simulated parchment version costs $6.95"

And..."Point 'n' Click", on Time Warner's cable channel 13 in Syracuse, New York , said:

"Visit America's only Genuine Diploma Mill. General Delivery University offers courses of study in several schools like the College of Sorcery, School of Divinity, or School of Hard Knocks. When you are through surfing the website, print your very own diploma!"

FREE DIPLOMA GIVEAWAY CONTINUES

GDU's free diploma sale continues at the GDU website.
http://www.bandersnatch.com/gduedu.htm

General Delivery Speaks General William Delivery, President of the General Delivery University, is pleased to announce that the FREE DIPLOMA offer continues at the GDU website. "The free diplomas are kind of crummy, though," explained General Delivery. "We obviously could make a pretty good diploma you could download, but then no one would want to buy a better quality diploma from us, with their names printed on it, and all," Delivery added.

"Actually 2 diplomas are now available for free," Delivery noted. "Our upgraded version looks like simulated parchment." A high quality color printer is required to print this diploma.

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Copyright 1997,1999 by Hugh Holub