Course Materials

COLLEGE OF MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

GDU offers an eclectic selection of generally worthless Course Materials for the student who has no idea what they want to do when they grow up. This College is usually called the College of Liberal Arts at other institutions.

DEPARTMENT OF ANTHROPOLOGY

ANTHRO 101: URBAN ARCHEOLOGY Study the ruins of American cities and discover how the people of the 1960's lived.

ANTHRO 102: PEOPLE OF IOWA Worship of the Corn God and the significance of presidential primaries on family life is covered.

ANTHRO 103: VALLEY GIRLS Students will move to the San Fernando Valley and live among the native population to determine the religious significance of Valley Girls.

ANTHRO 104: GARBAGE (Taught in connection with the University of Arizona) Students paw through modern garbage to learn fascinating things about our current civilization, such as the fact that people don't throw away plastic microwave dishes.(Note: this course really exists, and is taught by a former bandersnatch staff member).

DEPARTMENT OF CREATIVE WRITING

WRITE 101: THE ALPHABET Learn how important vowels are in making words. Prepared by our guest professor Mzxc Grtnz from Bosnia.

WRITE 102: GRAFFITI How to become famous writing on subway trains and the sides of buildings. (Students required to provide own subway train.)

WRITE 103: CREDITORS How to write believable excuses to your creditors on why you can't make this month's payment.

WRITE 104: LETTERS How to write letters to old friends you have nothing in common with.

WRITE 105: MEMORANDUM WRITING How to say as little as possible, in as many words as possible, and never reach a conclusion you can be held responsible for.

WRITE 106: SCHEDULE A One of the most advanced styles of creative writing, students will learn how to fill out IRS Form 1040 and itemized deductions on Schedule A.

DEPARTMENT OF ANCIENT LANGUAGES

AL 101: RUNIC Learn how to write in this dead language of the Vikings. Useful for comprehending modern graffiti and astounding archaeologists. (Note: Course Materials are written in Runic.)

DEPARTMENT OF HISTORY

HISTORY 1O1: REVISIONIST HISTORY The Presidency of Nixon in a favorable light.

HISTORY 1O2: HISTORY OF THE YEAR YOU WERE BORN IN What happened that was important in the year you were born? Was there a power outage nine months before?

HISTORY 103: HISTORY OF FAMOUS AMERICANS The lives of Speedy Alka Seltzer, Betty Crocker and Aunt Jemima will be covered.

HISTORY 104: SPECULATIVE HISTORY What if the Apaches had automatic weapons and other alternative histories will be studied.

DEPARTMENT OF LITERATURE

LIT 101: ROMANCE NOVELS Students will be expected to write a romance novel and sell it. GDU gets 50% of the profit.

LIT 102: CATCH 22 Students read Catch 22 and contemplate the meaning of life through Holden Caulfield's two word epithet.

LIT 103: MOBY DICK Learn why the movie was much better than the book.

DEPARTMENT OF PHILOSOPHY

PHIL 101: INTRODUCTION TO NON-STANDARD LOGIC The Republican Platform and the Contract With America is covered.

PHIL 102: EPISTEMOLOGY The form and nature of knowledge will be studied by means of taking the SAT exam.

DEPARTMENT OF NORMAL PSYCHOLOGY

PSYCH 101: OVERCOMING PEACE OF MIND Being totally satisfied with your life is a sign you have ceased to progress. Ways of overcoming your peace of mind to instill guilt, anxiety and depression.

PSYCH 102: DEFEATING SELF-DOUBT For students who are highly insecure, and have every reason to be so, the art of pretending to be confident is reviewed.

PSYCH 103: NORMAL PSYCHOLOGY Nature and etiology of various forms of normal behavior and other non-deviations.

PSYCH 104: BEHAVIOR DISORDERS OF THE CRIMINALLY SANE How to convince the court appointed shrink you are stone crazy when in fact you are not.

PSYCH 105: ABSENCE OF MOTIVATION Have you noticed that some of your friends suffer from entropy and still manage to avoid starving to death. Find out how they do this.

PSYCH 106: PSYCHOLOGY OF THE WORK ENVIRONMENT How various personalities develop in the work place, such as satraps, snitches, and management.

DEPARTMENT OF HOME ECONOMICS

HOME EC 101: KITCHEN TAXIDERMY Innovative uses for plastic bags and freezers.

DEPARTMENT OF JOURNALISM

JOURN 101: FEATURE WRITING Make up stories when there is no real news. CBS News provides course material.

JOURN 102: TRUTH IN THE MEDIA Students are required to read the columns of Joe Klein (Anonymous) in Newsweek.

JOURN 103: OBITUARIES OF THE LIVING How to interview important people to update their obituary without them knowing what you are doing.

JOURN 104: MEDIA HUMOR Reporters have the most cynical humor in America. Example: After a heart transplant operation, check in the press room to see if a betting pool on when the patient is going to die has been started.

JOURN 105: EDITING Students will be required to provide their own crayons.

JOURN 106: DEATHWATCH How to inquire of hospital staff the condition of people whose death might merit a news story, without the hospital knowing you work for a newspaper.

JOURN 107: RETRACTIONS How to write a retraction without admitting your story was in error.

JOURN 108: CONTEXT How to identify the context in which a statement is made, so it can be published out-of-context.

JOURN 109: SPORTS How to write stories about golf and make the sport interesting. Final exam requires identifying at least 100 synonyms for the words "won" and "lost".

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Copyright 1997,1999 by Hugh Holub