HOMELESS SELF-SUFFICIENCY PROGRAM FAILS
NEW YORK: An experiment to make New York City's homeless people self-sufficient has failed, according to sources at City Hall.
Mayor Rudy Giuliani, in an attempt to remove homeless people from welfare roles, issued a dozen bb guns to a select group of the homeless, and told then to hunt pigeons.
"I thought it would help the homeless survive, and reduce the city's pigeon population," Giuliani said.
Initially, the homeless did shoot a few pigeons, and cook them. However, they quickly tired of having to try and shoot the pigeons from building ledges, and shifted to threatening to shoot people's pets as they were walking them in Central Park. In exchange for not shooting the pets, the homeless received money.
The idea caught on quickly, and homeless people starting buying their own bb guns, to participate in the pet hostage-taking.
"Now we have to disarm the homeless," Giuliani said.
Hillary Clinton, who is running against Giuliani for the New York Senate seat, pointed out that Giuliani's continued harassment of the homeless was an example of his cruel attitude towards the less fortunate. "Whatever happened to the idea of giving homeless people public jobs?" she asked.
"They don't vote," was Giuliani's response.