TURN YOUR PERSONALITY DISORDER INTO AN ASSET

The General Delivery University announced today that it was offering a new program to assist people with personality disorders so they could function better in society.

"A personality disorder is defined by not fitting in with normal people," said Carl Young, head of the GDU Institute for Normal Psychology.

"Maybe there's really nothing wrong with you, except you've chosen to try and fit into the wrong work or social environment," Young said.

"You have the soul of an artist but you believed your parents when they said you had to get a degree in accounting."

Young noted there is a great story on the web about a person who had episodes of catatonia. Obviously a problem, and it wasn't curable. So the person got a job as a live manikin at Neiman Marcus. Now she gets paid for being unable to move.

"Take people with attention deficit disorder," Young added. "Obviously they don't fit well in structured classrooms, or job cubicles. But they make excellent lobbyists and politicians.Constantly on the move, never sticking to anything very long."

People with obsessive compulsive disorder make great bookkeepers, and inventory stockers, according to Young.

People who general anxiety disorder are exactly the folks you want running our nuclear power plants and air traffic control system, he added.

People who worry excessively and are risk averse have a happy place in working for environmental protection agencies, Young noted.

"The thrust of this new program will not be to cure people of their disorders, but to find better jobs for them so they can be crazy and still make a living," Young said.

GDU requires an up-front payment of $5,000 to assist a person with a personality disorder figure out the right career path.

"We don't take credit cards or checks," Young concluded.