DISEASE OF THE MONTH

POST YUPPIE SYMDROME POSSIBLY FATAL

Have you sent your pre-schoolers to an expensive private day care center and taught them how to read and do calculus before they were 5 years old? And then gotten your children into the best elementary school around? If so, you are suffering from the Post-Yuppie Syndrome.

You are part of a generation that has lost its brass ring to reach for, because you've already gotten more out of life than past generations would have dreamed possible. And you are only 50.

You are beginning to feel a little guilty about your prosperity, you are realizing you still have 20 years left on your mortgages, your children will probably go to college out of state and you are paying more income taxes than you earned in 1980.

You are sinking into a state of depression no amount of time at Club Med or eating Ben & Jerry's can improve. And you know that when you turn 65 the Social Security System will be dead broke and you'll probably have to keep working until you're 80 to pay off your 14 Visa cards.

The generation that started being born in 1945 was first known as the Baby Boomers, then as hippies, and then as Yuppies. Constantly changing and growing older, many Baby Boomers are emerging from their Yuppie phase into something else. They are starting to turn 50.

These aging boomers haven't been given a catchy name by the media--yet. This creates a serious identity crisis for a generation used to having a slick widely used generic name and massive amounts of attention paid to it. Thus, an entire generation is sliding into what is best described as the Post-Yuppie Syndrome. Or PYS.

Doubtless the horde of entrepreneurs who have consistently gotten rich by correctly anticipating the needs of the boomer generation will discover the Post-Yuppie Syndrome, and offer all sorts of pallatives to mask the symptoms if not cure this debilitating malaise.

Telethons will be held to raise money to fight PYS.

New recreational activities will be offered such as trips to Antarctica.

New life-extending and mind improving chemicals will be created such as Siberian Yak adrenal gland oil.

New automobile models will be created combining the luxury of a Cadillac with the practicality of a Land Rover that floats.

Grecian Formula will be very big

New investment opportunities will emerge such as Municipal Junk Bonds and retirement home futures.

But these will seem like pale comparisons to what you've already owned.

You will start seriously saving money.

You will start entertaining the idea of living in your current home until you die.

You will start keeping your cars for longer than the lease or repayment periods.

You will be less likely to quit your current jobs.

In other words, you are going to start acting a lot like your parents did--which is the key sign you are suffering from the Post-Yuppie Syndrome.

What is PYS? It is called growing up. The one thing the baby boom generation said it would never do.

A few weeks before boomers turn 50 they get an invitation to join AARP. How the AARP knows when each boomer turns 50 is a mystery. Anyway, this is a really devastating moment for the boomer, because now he or she is officially a senior citizen.

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