The crash of the Enron corporation has been linked to Osama bin Laden, it was learned yesterday.

"We have inconclusive evidence that Kenneth Lay, head of Enron, once visited Osama bin Laden and studied how to wreck the American economy," said an investigator in the Attorney General's office.

The bankruptcy of Enron left thousands without jobs and wiped out the retirement accounts of most of its former employees, while Lay and other executives pocketed millions.

"A determined terrorist couldn't have done as much damage, not only to the economy, but to the public's faith in the capitalist system," said the AG investigator.

Efforts to charge Lay with terrorism are unlikely to succeed, added the investigator. "You don't buy politicians for nothing," he said.

The accounting firm Arthur Andersen has been awarded the presigious Wall Street Culinary Award, it was disclosed recently.

"Anderson won the award based on its extraordinary recipes for cooking the books of Enron," said Peter Principal, head of the investment banking firm Suture & Hemmorage.

Leading Democrats celebrated the Enron scandal at a posh Washington restaurant last night.

"The Republicans hounded Bill Clinton for years over the Whitewater thing," said Teddy Kennedy, "and now we've got something we can use to beat the crap out of Bush for the next few years."

Efforts to hire Ken Starr to be the new Special Prosecutor have not worked, added Kennedy. "He only wants to investigate Democrats."

Democrats are searching for a rabid prosecutor to serve as the Grand Inquisitor for the witch hunt to be conducted on Bush's relationships with Enron.

Scientists at the General Delivery University announced today that studies of global warming indicate the demise of energy companies.

"We studied the effects of global warming and noted that as the planet gets warmer, fuel consumption started dropping," said Professor Willy B. Greene, head of te GDU Atmospheric Physics and Psychics Department.

"As the world gets warmer, all those colder places where people use a lot of fuel to heat their homes disappear," said Greene.

"Then, with the warmer weather people just stopped doing serious stuff like working...sort of like what goes on in tropical places now," he added.

"Pretty soon, no one is driving around to work or going to the store, because they're all just goofing off in the warmer weather," he said.

Eventually the drop of consumption in fuel bankrupts all the energy companies, and the addition of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere levels off.

"If the energy companies were smart, they'd try and stop global warming right now before the weather got so warm in Minnesota that the place didn't freeze in the winter.

When advised that the first snow just fell in Minnesota last week, the GDU scientist grabbed his surf board and headed for Yuma. "Surf's rising," he yelled.

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